ok so let me get this straight…
radfems don’t believe that trans women are women, correct?
they also wouldn’t consider trans men to be men, right?
and me being genderqueer, that’s just totally “gendertrending” or whatever the fuck, right? kinda the same way you think of bisexuals, right?
yeah, i know a little of your language. i’ve read your hateful threats and lies and hyperbolic bullshit before. i’ve screen-capped your tumblrs, i’ve already published articles that tear down your confusing, half-brained, and hateful theories. your theories are weak. let me show you how easily broken they are.
radfems also don’t think that me, as a person married to a man, should use the word femme to identify myself in the queer community.
someone high up in the radfem world has decided that only cisgendered binary “gold star” lesbians get to use that word, despite centuries of gay men and straight film stars cultivating strong femme identities before any kind of “butch/femme” structure was cultivated in queer women’s space.
according to this exacting and exhausting radfem
drama dogma, because i’m married to a man - i CANNOT identify as a lesbian nor have i ever been a lesbian. (sidecar: i’m also genderqueer and not just a woman and not JUST a lesbian, though i would say i’ve always been about 95% interested in other femmes, and 5% “other rad people who might make good partners perhaps” such as my husband, who is also attracted to multiple genders)
this is of course, why i generally identify as “Queer” and not lesbian. i am non-binary and so are my sexual preferences. I am queer, and I am a femme.
but… i’m married to a man. a trans man. and no, i never mention his trans-ness online because i don’t think people need disclaimers all the time and it totally puts both of us in danger about abuse or violence because of hateful fucks like you. saying “my husband is a man” is enough for me. but for you, leaving out the word “trans” means all the difference, doesn’t it?
because remember? you don’t think trans people are real…
you’ve been told over and over that trans people aren’t real. you’ve been trained to tell everyone else that trans people aren’t real. you have been compelled to tell trans people themselves that they are not real.
so you kinda just fucked up your whole fight with me (and maybe with everyone) here.
if YOU think i am married to a MAN,
then you believe that trans people are what they say they are, like i do, and your argument about wether i can be a femme or not no longer carries any weight… you’ve got bigger problems to deal with now… you’ve negated yourself and your “teachers” on a very serious issue in the magical world of imaginary radical “feminism” hatred: the legitimacy of trans people.
How can he not be a man and also be a man?
the only way you win this argument with me is if you admit that my trans husband is really a man.
I’d like to see what your radfem friends who have been harassing my trans porn performing femme friends would have to say about your final conclusions in this area because really, we could solve some serious problems right now if radfems decide that trans people exist. For instance, I am looking forward to seeing Chelsea Poe star in the next Girlfriends Films movie about lesbian college romance co-starring Sasha Grey - let’s buy that shit tonight!
Hell, while we are at it, why don’t we remove the centuries of stigma and shame and exclusion and violence and abuse that trans people have been at the center at since way way way way way before your leader was born.
(content warning for my husband/friends/allies: hypothetical transphobic misgendered theory slash sarcasm follows)
Either you say he’s a man and immediately negate years of brainwashing/training/whatever the fuck you’re getting fed that says trans people don’t exist - just to win your fight about my t shirt - or - you keep insisting that trans people aren’t real and therefore place me in a bonafide, 100% ACTUAL gold star lesbian partnership. yep, that’s right. hard femme all the way, baby. big dykes on campus. together forever. whatever you say radfems, let’s go to michfest!!
…..so what’s it gonna be? is my husband a man, or do i get to keep wearing this shirt with wholehearted radfem approval now because it’s been revealed that i am indeed the biggest lesbian that ever lived in their executive eyes?
would you come beat me up at the dyke march while i’m holding another femme’s hand, simply because i’ve got a man (who you wont even recognize as real in any other context) at home who is so supportive of me and my love for other femmes, he made me the god damned shirt and stayed at home while i marched for my own hard-fucking-earned queer visibility?!?!?!
truth be told, my man is a man, and i am still the genderqueer hard femme fat feminist sex worker insomniac sober survivor sometimes-boy sometimes-dyke always-femme mostly-liminal person i say i am.
i am not in a lesbian relationship with my husband. i am in a queer relationship that looks straight to the outside world with my husband. we live under an ancient mountain of heteronormative behavioral patterns that i can hardly relate to half the time, but god damned if i don’t love that man. i don’t even need to justify this to you.
i feel sorry for you on this one. i go away with a loving primary partnership, hot femme dates, lipstick and glitter and pizza and cool home made crop tops and freedom, because i live in a world where we acknowledge ourselves and others and you don’t even get a consolation prize because in your mind, i’m either not actually “co-opting femme” like you claim i am, or you fuck up all of radfem theory in one solid blow by continuing to acknowledge my husband’s gender.
please, feel free to spin again. or not.
let me say this one more time. i do not have to choose, nor does any other person in this world, not even you, between being a boy or a girl or a gender queer or a lesbian or a straight person or bisexual or a wife or a feminist or a fag or a fairy or a queen or a king or a butch or a femme. we can and will be exactly who we are and nothing else, and never what you think we should be.